I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
