pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
