oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize