I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
