My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
