So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
