he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i've created a new STD.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
