Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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