Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
