I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
