Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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