"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nicole vs. Life
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
