apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
