Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize