I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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