i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
