my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
