Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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