Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
