Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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