I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
