it hurts more in the daytime
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
