I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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