I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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