that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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