I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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