you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
