Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
