I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
