If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
