everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
