she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
