Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
