what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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