i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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