Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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