I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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