put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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