Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
