I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
