If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
