how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
