It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
