Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
