Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
