How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
