those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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