I forgot how hot balto sounded
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
