Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
bring money and cleavage
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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