I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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