Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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