Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
