I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
