I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
