There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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