her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
