Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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