I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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