What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
