FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
being pregnant is like rehab
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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