On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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