Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
