Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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