i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
