She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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