he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
